The End is near!

2010 is coming to an end...

A new year call forth of new things, new thoughts and new resolutions. It is about time to reflect on the year before and try to have a better next year as everyone would do.

It’s not my usual to see the New Year with such importance and significance. It just appears to me that it’s another day just as important as any other. If one does not see the importance of any other ‘ordinary’ day, I don’t see why they would treasure this day above all else. To me, it’s probably just the last day I would write the date ending with a -10, replaced by -11. Is that worth celebrating?

That being said, the year of 2011 does bring a great significance and change to my life. If any year is that life-changing and determinant of my future, 2011 will be the year, until of course another comes around. It is also my new found insight of the 2010 that gave me this feel of change or maybe it’s just a hunch of the need to change. Patience, in time, everything will be revealed to us, I believe.

2011 is pretty important to me because of a few major events pending on my life. One would be my nationality status. Depending how my IELTS goes, I would be applying my PR or TR which does really change a lot of things. And then it is my graduation which its significance comes not from the mere ceremony but the representation of me leaving the educational world and making a step into the working world. My first job would be a very detrimental factor to my life so it does really all boil down to 2011. Career, wealth, education and personal development events are all focused on this year, lest the romance part which I am never sure how it goes.

Given its eventful significance, it (2011) also signifies a new journey for the soul. I realized how many mistakes I made in the past which emerged more clearly to me in 2010 and to my regret, most are permanent. But it’s never too late to stop it right? I found my blog pretty boring as most important occurrence and observations in my life are actually not recorded here, but in my treasure diary. I believe I have to discard one as the other would have no soul in it. I gave much thought to this and I guess keeping a diary is way too old-fashioned, even for me. xD

So for the few boring people who really still care, I guess this blog will have more personal stuff into it and even times offend many, I will lock some post time to time when I see fit but I think I have nothing to hide. So have a Happy New Year for it will really be a brand new one!



=p

Twinkle twinkle little star, how i wonder where you ...are?

Of to china tonight, and the weather(temp) just dropped drastically and its now -1 degrees !! Im gonna freeze to death if it snow cause i'm so not prepared for this kinda weather. Wish me luck!!!

A post before i leave for my 2 week vacation.

It's been a while since i'm back, and i feel worlds apart. Liken the earth to the star.

On the Earth, the humans have so many stories to tell, so much to say so interested in the shinning star, elegant and beautiful in their eyes.They wanted to know everything about the distant star they admired from eons ago.

When they finally get near, they realized that the star is but a sun in a different galaxy, melting the earth away if they get closer. All the thought and words, hope and desires were burnt away, like rocks sucked into a black hole, never to be found.

It was then they realized, we were from different galaxies. Maybe the earth is the one drifting apart, into the a different space, yet it though it could fit in just like any planet. As the sun of the universe, there were planets surrounding it. The earth could get no closer, only to feel the sunlight and warm breeze a far. It will be a fool's dream to get close enough to the sun, landing on it is practically impossible. Humans should've known earlier. No, they knew it all along, ages ago. But yet, they have this tiny glimmer of hope, never letting go of it, thinking of the impossible. That one day, they have the courage and power to land on the sun and get to know it better.

For now, the dream is merely drifting further away. The humans should have know, they could only land on the moon, and therefore should find one to land on. Not a star, not a sun.

What an emo post! Hopefully i cheer up after the vac.

Imagine

Can anything be the same, after enduring the winds of change?

Met up with some my old class and college mates recently and found that so much have changed, with them and maybe me as well. I wonder if going into the working world really changes someone? Does the stress, the responsibilities and the burden makes one more mature? Does they make one more realistic?

Or maybe i have not grown in the past year, living in some idealistic world of mine. But i still believe in all those dream i speak of when i was then young, don't think i will ever lose faith in them. Maybe they would now all think that i am being naive, but i thought we all once thought it is achievable. What changed? Have everyone grown-up except me?

No matter. I am always an outlier not by brilliance but by ideals and believe and i won't mind being so forevermore. I should do something, to change it all, to make it possible. Not for everyone or anyone but myself, to show that every reality begins nothing more than a dream.

For now, i shall indulge in the idealistic believe made immortal by words of John Lennon. People, friends, please Imagine once more...

Till we meet again... Sydney

Tomorrow i will be back to KL for my summer holidays!

There's always this clingy feeling when leaving a place you've stayed for some time. Like the last day of a very long vacation, i've always got this sentimental feeling of not wanting to leave, even though i will be back in just a 2-3 months time. Do i really like this place that much? Or i just doesn't feel like going back to Malaysia? I can't tell. Most likely neither is the answer...

Sydney have indeed brought me this whole different experience than that of when i was in Melbourne for a year. I would not compare them as there or no where near the same. The people i am with, the place i stay, the studies i do, the life i generally live by, are totally worlds apart. Yes, i did like the life in Melbourne which i left wishing i had enjoyed it more and that it would last longer. But who doesn't recall a period of their past? Just like our childhood memories. As for Sydney, i guess i did enjoy enough not to regret, or that the fact i'm planning to stay for good gives me the feeling not to long for it more. I wonder why...

Life feels like a journey to me. And in this journey i travel many places, meet many people, and try many things. Some will remain in my heart forever while some will be blown away life sands in the ocean breeze. As i look back the path i went, i really wondered if i was merely a shadow or other's past or have i carved a footstep deep enough to endure the test of time. Next year, i will once again move on to a new place, meeting new people, doing different things. I really wonder how this journey of mine will turn out. As for now, lets get back and see how my good'ol friends are doing with their journey!

The next..... Warren Buffett..?

Been busy lately altho exams are pretty much over. I hate it when people conveniently assumes that people who finish their exams are damn free and therefore can dump all their work to you just because they are "less free"? I mean, hello, we have a life (contrary to popular beliefs, SOME actuaries actually still have a life you know)!! And even if we don't, don't you think after 4 months of sleepless stressful chaotic and lifeless life (i know it doesn't make sense), we deserve a god damn break from everything!!!! I just want some time out man!

Ok, enough whining, not sure why every time i blog, its whine whine whine, shall try to control that in the future.

Have i told you that staying with rich people sucks? (Oops, whine again!) No but really, it kinda give you an eye opener that how a little money can go a long way. They didn't even earn that money, their parents did and they spend it like they deserve it, without second thoughts. This bring me to the topic to how these people get so freaking rich!!

We all have to admit, no matter how un-money-minded you are, deep down inside, everyone wants to become rich. We just don't know how. Or we know its too difficult and therefore lie to everyone that money matters not to them. I know some people and friends tend to think that i am money-minded but there are some difference between financial savvy and money craze ok? And im NOT the latter. =p

Well, how to get rich? Hmmm.... tough question eh? So why not we ask someone who IS rich, they should know how. So let's take Mr Buffett then, second richest man in the world and prominent value-investors.



In a book which he gave advises named the "Snowball", he highlighted the one most powerful tool he think made him rich, a tool that everyone knows and can easily practice. The greatest money making business ever created - Compounding!

Its that simple ! You put some money aside and let it grow, then periodically put in small amounts, and after sometime, you will get a huge amount! Just like a Snowball! As it rolls downhill, it accumulates snow, and it accumulate at a greater and greater rate until it becomes....an Avalanche!

Too good to be true? Mayyyybe. But wait, don't everyone know about this already, huh? Then why is everyone not already rich? I mean god-damn it, if its that simple, why the heck don't you teach it to me during primary school. Or even before that! The secret of compounding should have been taught to me much earlier. Then i wouldn't have went to primary school, just put all the school fees, book money, everything into the bank. Skip primary school too and so is secondary and put all the money away. Then no degree or even Master, putting into the bank for compounding. Then by the time you graduated from college, i would have so much money compounded throughout the 22 years of your study, i can basically hire you, since i never been to school before you see. I'm basically a total idiot but so rich that all you study for is just to be as rich as me. =D So, why didn't ANYONE tell me this earlier, now i need to compound it until i am 50 years old to be rich, heck! After all ....



The truth is, it was never this easy. To have the disciplinary to constantly put money away that you would NEVER touch for 20/30 years is almost impossible for anyone. Even Mr. Buffett worked a few jobs when he was a kid, and gave up much of his teen and college life working saving his money to compound it. That is why i can say that there will be no one else like Mr. Buffett. Or to put it more accurately, there can no longer anyone be like Warren Buffett. Why? Is it that people now lacked discipline? lacked talent? lacked determination and skill?

No, its because the world is a different place now than before. As the society moves towards perfection, what make us (investors and arbitragers)rich - mispricing and loopholes in the system - are getting rare and far apart. Nobody wants to be rich when they are old, but rich when they are young so they can enjoy the wealth and show it off. And because of this, there is too much "temptations" going around for teenage these days, its hardly possible to save up. Speaking as a teen myself, in this era populated by seductive goods of desire, i stand to be corrected. If there were to be PS3, A Wii, Xbox, Iphones, Ipads, 3D Cinemas, Karaokes and whatnots in the era where Warren Buffett is still in his teens, i bet he would have failed to save and compound all that money of his for his investments and to be so rich. I for one, as an untalented undetermined and unskill man, faces these challenge everyday. Ahhh, what would Warren Buffett do?

So after all this, do you think there can still be another Warren Buffett? =p

Oh life...

Emptycup Reloaded!

Ah, finally, i feel the pressure of my back again, thought not completely, at least just slightly and there is s sight of relief. My finals are finally done and here i am back, to blogging again. I wonder if anyone still visits here thought? Or maybe i'm just merely talking to myself, which i do most of the time anyway =p

Well, exams didn't go very well. I really do think i flunk one of the course completely. I just don't want to worry about it know because i'm just so darn glad its over! I think i've studied more book in one year of Actuarial Studies than that of my past entire 21 years study life.

On a brighter note, am on holiday now which will be pretty free until my next hellish semester starts. But yet, i wonder why is there so much to do still on my to do list! It really does feels busier than before i was done with my exams. Heck!

Ow well, this is just a pre-notice for restarting of this blog, expect more to come ^^ is the next 3 months!

*On a site note, i really feel like i'm a born loner. More than i really think i am, more than i really wanna admit and i think i'm getting more of a loner now. I'm starting to dislike crowd and people coming into my life. What should i do? =S

Dream

6 months into the course and I'm still surviving! That itself is already an achievement! To me at least. Haha...

Just not too long ago, actuarial itself still seem as ambiguous to me as rocket science. I merely took it up due to its proposition of a challenging and interesting subject matter and also some form of society induced parents pressure. After 1 semester into it, it did not fail me on the former, instead, it was more than i could handle. But after awhile, it starts to get interesting and at this stage i find it very intriguing as i dive deeper into Actuarial studies. Although I'm not sure if i will end up pursuing this line of profession, or even giving it up half way but up until now, it was all rewarding and i must say, i don't regret it one bit.

Actuarial is essentially a study into uncertainty and risk of every facet of life. We human fear and hate the unknown, the uncontrollable and therefore created ways, methods and complex formulas to measure them, to manage them and at some ultimate point eliminate then. But however good a hedge the tool can be, it can never be perfect and risk can never be totally eliminated. And this i think is the beauty of life itself.

Think for a moment that if perfection is by any chance attainable, that would mean the end of further development, advancements, creativity, achievements and no more new knowledge to be discovered. The perfect world would therefore be boring, wouldn't it? And i guess that makes perfectionist the most boring human possible out there! Hehe...

On a side note, i had just watched the movie inception and i must say, it was a pretty good show.Though the concept of dreaming within a dream within a dream can be, weird sometimes, its not that hard to get actually. I particularly like the idea that to plant an idea in someone's mind is not impossible, its hard but do-able. And once its done, the dream sticks, no matter what =p! I liked the ending as well but noticed that people were debating about whether Cobb is still in the dream or not in his final scene. In my opinion, it actually doesn't matter. What the movie is trying to tell is that Cobb no longer care if he is in a dream or reality, or the fact that he loosed his sense of guilt and found true happiness and nothing else matter anymore. Dream or reality. In fact, they are just a blink apart.

If we can make reality appear in a dream, why can't we make a dream into the reality? =p

To put an end to this pretty long post, here is a song dedicated to me by a very dear friend and i wish to re-dedicate it to all my dear friends out there. Watch the lyrics ^^.

Our last summer

Haha, i think i'm still a bit too young to actually feel nostalgic from this song, but really, it brings memories to me. Because, that's all that remains now.


We often busy our life too much, chasing after things we don't really want anyway, chasing things that we think is so important but in the end, it is these small happy memories, of drinking coffee, walking along the beach and just having fun, that made our life, worth living...

The Law of Equivalent Trade?

"To gain something, one have to sacrifice something of equal value."

It was an interesting concept introduced in an anime i watched - Full Metal Alchemist. Its a concept i think exist in this real world too. Just like in our lives, there are happiness, sorrows, tears and smiles, and they all come at a cost. Like the Bible mentioned " Thou shall reap why thy sou" would imply the same thing.

Just like getting what we want in life, we always have to pay for it, either by hard work, by time or whatever means necessary. There is always a cost. Even in business world, it is engraved that 'there is no free lunch'. Nothing in this world is therefore unachievable. It just comes at a cost, the only question left is, are you willing to pay the cost? Do you have what it takes to do the equivalent trade?

No pain no gain. No sacrifice, no victory. Life is as such, though i would rather wish not .

..........................................................................................................................................................................

On an unrelated note, lets have a little update on life for me so far.

Sydney's been great. No so different from KL, just cleaner, more civilized and better! Looking back from the day i just came, its been about 5 months now. I couldn't really say i live in sydney exactly as i'm staying more of a dorm-student life thus far. The experience have been, well, pleasant. Not exceptionally good, but well, not too bad either. It does take sometime to get used to. The fact that you are far away from home, all alone in an unknown place, with no close friends, it really does teach you how to be independent. You have to do your own chores, make your own decision, entertain yourself (yes, you have to) and practically live your own life. Easier said than done!

The come studies. Well, studying a course that half the people go wow and the other half goes "what the hell is that" is not as glamorous as it seems. Difficult is expected but way beyond my radar. But given time, i got used to it. Its like pulling a rubber band, if you stretch it long enough, it will eventually become that loose. So this semester is more like a stretching for myself and my mind, hopefully, no so much of a surprise next year, and i will be able to cope better. I just had my finals some 3 weeks ago. Probably expected it to be extremely hard and therefore it turn out ok. But result will be out it a weeks time. It will probably determine where i go form now on, stay or change? It no longer up to me now.

After that, i went to Melbourne for the holidays. Just got back 2 days ago. Well, seeing old friends, having good food, enjoying nice companies, and taking good laughs really bring back memories of those good times. I must admit i miss them much. It was really enjoyable, and i would like to take this opportunity to thank those who made it so for me. =p
But i do wonder if i made the right decision going there though. For after i came back, the nostalgic and home-sickly feeling i took awhile to shake off when i first came to Sydney is now back again. I thought i was more independent, and a loner and staying in a foregin place will not be much of a big change to me. But i was wrong! Maybe, the one year in Melbourne changed me, made me enjoyed being with friends all the time. And just when i'm having fun, they rip it off, and throw me back to reality.

Here i am, trying to call Sydney my new home, but then again, without friends and family, can you really call a place home. I wonder...

Hopefully things will change, when the time comes. So that all that is left, is not memories, but a new adventure.

Gloomy Sydney

Sorry for the gloomy end of this post thought. Since im back in Sydney, life is not treating me very well. Took the wrong bus, been raining forever since i got back, gloomy sky, quiet dorm, and lost my blender all in this 2 days is not really something to be happy about. =(

The other side

A little story for us to ponder upon...

One day a young Buddhist on his journey home came to the banks of a wide river. Staring hopelessly at the great obstacle in front of him, he pondered for hours on just how to cross such a wide barrier. Just as he was about to give up his pursuit to continue his journey he saw a great teacher on the other side of the river. The young Buddhist yells over to the teacher, "Oh wise one, can you tell me how to get to the other side of this river"?

The teacher ponders for a moment looks up and down the river and yells back, "My son, you are on the other side".

When i was in Malaysia about 2 years ago, i pondered what life would be if i would to be in Australia. Here i am now. And i wonder what life would be if i were back in Malaysia. Ironic huh?

We always see life from 'our side' and therefore, the 'other side' is always better, always where we want to go. But have we ever thought that we are in fact in the other side already?

It hard to live a life without putting things in our perspective, yet we fail to realize that there actually is no sides. The other side is just an excuse for us not being good enough, for us not being successful, for us to procrastinate, to blame and to feel better. The other side is a mirage of oasis, a perfect heaven given to those thinking they are in hell.

The Gods look down on earth and wondered about the life of a human, and a human vice versa. When you try so hard to 'move' to the other side, you actually failed to live on your own side.

You are on the other side. How you plan to live it, is up to you.

A better tomorrow...

When was it when we started hesitating?
Where where the days that dreams were not dreams, but future in the making??
When did we stop smiling from the bottom of our hearts???
When was it that everyone in this world really, stopped having fun!?


It is the day we stop believing...
believing in the people around us,
believing in ourselves,
believing that there is a better tomorrow.

A better tomorrow - Kids version
I find this version much nicer and meaningful as it brings out the true meaning of the song =)




Awaken the youthful soul of yours from its dream of harsh realities. Come out from your shaded corner and bath in the smiling sunshine. For the world of tomorrow is indeed in our hands, more than we can ever believe.

Let us, hold our dream as if it was real, as if it was there. And it will be. Allow us to have a face of truth and happiness and the winds of change will sweep away our tears of the yesteryear. Let us start believing, truly, that tomorrow will be a better day.

Let us start making it so...

The Last Regret ...

No Regrets by Koda Kumi


The lyrics is just as how i feel.

If I could choose a life, I wouldn’t choose a life without death, nor a life without pain, misery or sadness. I would choose a life, with no regrets.

Because regrets, once you felt it, is the only thing you will ever feel, and it is the only thing that wouldn’t heal.

Let it go, let it be. The dice have been cast, the hands dealt, judgment passed. There is nothing more that would make a difference.

Let this be the last mistake.

The last regret.

To re-live a wanderer's tale...

All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another. ~Anatole France

It’s been awhile, since I last wrote. Or should I put it ‘he’ last wrote? Because he is he and he is gone. Things have changed and so have I. And to do that, I have to let go of my past self. He couldn’t have taken any of this anyway and it is about time, for something better, something colder and something harder, something more serious.

I’ve chose the road less taken. Will it lead me to where I want to go? Will it lead me to a oasis, a paradise on earth the heavenly Avalon? I do not know.

But without regrets I will continue walking, no matter what.

Far have I traveled, beyond what I perceive was the end of the world. I was smaller than I think. The empty cup was more filled than he wanted to be. And against this new abyss, he learned a little more from the countless falls. The little empty cup is once again a little more empty now. But far from reaching the bottom, he knew it.

Facing countless enemies and challenges, he tried to defeat them all but realize he has lost. Badly. But not to anyone greater, stronger or wiser. But to himself. And it is there he realize, all it takes is defeat himself, because he is the only enemy. He is the devil, and everything that stands in his way, the only thing that actually matters. Knowing one’s greatest weakness is to grow stronger already. But that is not enough, not anymore.

Where has the silent wanderer go? Touched by the warmth of loving-ness and faith, his cold heart melted, he grew soft, where he originally was. But to be the killer he once was again, he has to once again, steel his heart, lock his emotions and reignite his burning flame. It is easy now, since cold spikes have shattered within, the warmth is lost replaced only by an emptiness, which must be filled. The wound may never heal, but it is a great opportunity, to bring the killer back again. It was his greatest strength that is his greatest weakness, that hurt him the most, that killed part of him. I wonder if he will ever recover from this, or if this is the best cure for his broken soul.

The warm morning shower

In a cold winter morning, it is actually pretty darn hard to wake up. And the best thing to do would be - to jump into a hot shower!

The feeling is unexplainable by words. At least with my standard of vocab. But it's definitely comfortable. With hot water gushing down from head to toe, the warmth it bring to my cold hands and legs and the heat that circulates my blood, jump-starting me to consciousness. It's like being reborn!

But there's a trick. There always be. For it was told 'If something is too good to be true, It probably is'.

Just like life itself and the many events that manifest in it. It's easy to get in, easier to stay in, but difficult to get out!

Although conscious, under the great comfort of heat and warmth, adding to the threat of stale shivers and unlimited coldness out there. I refuse to go out. There are some point of time that i thought i could stay in the shower forever. But just like any dream, it needs to be awaken. Sooner or later. Staying in the water for too long, my skin will start to blister or even before that, the hot water may very well run out.

So with bravery in my heart, steel my mind and walk out of the hot shower on a cold winter morning. Having faith that,

tomorrow,

There will be another shower. =p

And a better one. xD

Beginning of HOPE

HOPE is born!

What is HOPE?
It is a fund, namely 'High Opportunity Private Equity' Fund. Therefore HOPE Fund. Created and managed by me and officially launched today.

From my 1 year in Australia, i was able to made some study and insight into the Australian Equity Market and at the meantime profit a little from it. I had always been aspiring to be a portfolio manager and manage a fund by myself. So to start off, i made a courageous decision this year. To start a small, private equity fund and manage it myself. I have been reluctant to do so, much more to advertise or announce it here but i know i have to. Because by doing so, i made it serious, i made it real. There will no longer be any excuse for me to procrastinate or to postpone the launching of this fund anymore.

It is officially opened now and it will be closed by 1st March 2010. I will not post much details here because I'm not very interested in advertising or selling this fund. It is somewhat just a test of my capabilities before i decide that if this is a path i will and should pursue. This is also to inform those who believe in me or are seeking a opportunity to get involve. So for those who are really interested, leave a message here or in my facebook and i will send a copy of the details to you.

So now you all know what i was being busy the whole time eh?

The peach blossom poem

A poem i loved and live by.

《桃花庵》

桃花坞里桃花庵，桃花庵里桃花仙。

桃花仙人种桃树，又摘桃花换酒钱。

酒醒只在花前坐，酒醉还来花下眠。

半醒半醉日复日，花落花开年复年。

但愿老死花酒间， 不愿鞠躬车马前。

车尘马足贵者趣，酒盏花枝贫者缘。

若将宝贵比贫者，一在平地一在天。

若将贫贱比车马，他得驱驰我得闲。

别人笑我忒疯癫，我笑别人看不穿。

不见五陵豪杰墓，无花无酒锄作田 。

Sorry, no translation unless requested. =p

Resolutions

Its the time of the year again where everything of the past is like something distant to us, and the coming moments are breathing with new hopes and life. Welcome to 2010, a year of change for me. For even at the very first few days of the year, shocking news and great change had made it to my life. I can't see this is not the end, only the beginning of a even more fiery and challenging roller coaster ride. But before i depart from the station, one has to have a destination, or else we wont go anywhere at all. So these are my new year resolutions...

1. Take life more seriously. Life has always been a game for me and it still feels that way to me. I felt like i was watching myself, playing a character in this vast place called earth. But it is time to take it to another level, to truly live it. This does not mean i'll be serious all the time and become even more boring, taking life more seriously would be me working harder to make things happen, whatever it is.

2. Focus. I think this is what i lacked, in person. I can do things well if i want to but lose interest pretty fast and i never ever bother to do things i don't like. So, this year, i'll have to focus on things that matters to me most and do them good. I know what i want in life but never concentrated in achieving it. Not anymore!

3. Improve self presentation. I've always been a supporter of inner beauty against the outer. I never really concentrated on what i wear, how i look, who am i in the mind of others because i believed exterior beauty are insignificant and non-eternal. The heart and personality is what matters most. They still are to me but i have to admit that in this society, they play a role much more important that i thought. Our clothing, attire and presentation tells a great deal of who we are, maybe more than we can say through our conversation. So, its time for me to dress-up a little!

4. Exercise. Even with ample of time in Aussie does not give me the motivation to spent it in the gym. Maybe its the unfamiliarity with the environment or the whether that caused this , i have been less fit physically since a year ago. Excuses aside, i really need to buckle up and take back my old habit of a regular exercise! Wealth with no health is a waste!

5. Improve. Self-improvement is one of my life long goals. It is not that i never know what is enough but the fact is in this competitive environment, if you don't improve, you deteriorate. That is how it is. Improving for my comes in many aspects. First in studies. Second in general knowledge which i have a long way to go. So more books and newspapers this year! Third would be my observation, analytical and deduction skill. I have found these skills particularly important in every aspect of life and it is to my great shame that i lacked all 3 of them. So i guess this year needs much work!

Well, these are my 5 main resolutions which i wish to achieve this year. Of course, discipline is what i need to achieve them. Hopefully, at the end of 2010is ride, i will be where i want to be. I hope we all will be.


Move forward!

Choice

In our lives, we never stop making choices.

Then, we never stop wondering why we ever made it.

Have you ever look into the eyes of your parents and wonder if we will one day end up like them? Maybe better or maybe worse? I do.

Once again the crossroad of destiny presents itself to us. And here we are, standing, choosing a path we hope not to ever regret. And this is what 2010 brings to me and those around me. Graduation marks the end of a phase in our life. It is the turning point, the sail that will may make all the difference in our future. It been a great journey so far. We all survived, through countless battles (exams?) and adventures, by hook or by crook. We made it this far and it is time for the parting. We all have different choices, different road to take from here on, some made ages ago, some just upon decided, some still contemplating.

There were many choice for me. To be back in Malaysia, or be in Australia. To work or to study more? What to study?

All these questions clouded my mind for a long time. They are heavy and detrimental decisions that will change my future yet it is inevitable. Truth to be told, i would have a much easier life staying back in Malaysia, knowing that most of my friends are here, and that i am so familiar with this place i grew up in. And with contacts, i would be able to easily land myself in a a pretty good starting job with many prospects of business in the future. Yet, in this crossroad, i took the road less traveled. I choose to leave, for a place i am not that familiar with, a place with weather and culture unlike that i've been taught, Australia. This choice i made, maybe a foolish one. Even now, i'm still trying to understand why. It may be true my parents played their part in convincing me to migrate there, but their influence are of little impact on my decision. True, true, this piece of land for down there poses more opportunity for me in terms of career and financial gains, but in a land i am so unfamiliar with, who can say that for sure? The term a bird in hand worth 2 in the bush often comes into my mind. Won't i be better off staying here in Malaysia creating a business with my vast contacts and great understanding of how things work here? I never will know. But i' sure of myself, that Australia will be my new home. It is as if a magnetic field had got hold of me, my heart is stuck upon that kangaroo island. So much so that i must endure the heart breaking pain and fact that i'm leaving all my best friends behind. And knowing not one of them is here with me, adds spike to the shattered heart.

Having a hardened heart to stay in Australia, i've no choice but to extend the student phase of my life a little longer. But again, another crossroad lie upon me. What should i study? I thought this over many times. Too many times that i got bored of it someway in between. My top picks were honors, Masters in finance or masters in actuarial studies. They all weight just as much in my heart, they are all of interest to me. And truth to be told, my parents made the deciding call on this 1. I can say if the choice were mine, the choice MIGHT not be the same. Yet again, i traveled along this road less traveled by. I wonder why. I guess its the name Actuarial that attracts the likes of my parents, or even those of their generations. To me, its just another fancy term. The fact that they liked me studying it that much and (more importantly) they are paying my tuition fees, i couldn't go against their will. Yet, once again, i ponder if i made the right decision of choosing this course. First, Actuarial is basically another field that of my degree which i majored in. So i'm actually entering into another field, like science or arts, just not as drastic. I do wonder if it will interest me as much as finance do, Furthermore, diversifying into another major means forgoing depth and mastery into finance, which i love to have. I heard rumors too, bad ones especially. Of the plenty people, professionals or not, old or young, almost all of them agreed that this is a killer course. Like an abyss of no return, entry is simply, but exit is impossible. What the hell have i sign up for? Many of my friends would argue that I'm exaggerating, and that someone of 'my' caliber will not face trouble. But in the bottom of my heart, i do fear this uncertainty and this new challenge is poses. There are people beyond people and mountains above mountains. Things can be harder than expected from here on.

I really do wonder if i made the right choices. Who ever will know? Who is there to judge? We will never know the outcome of the road not taken.

As for now, the dice has been cast, the road have been taken, and we will never know what or where the other path will lead to. All i can do is to stick with what i have chosen and believe in it. Hope is what keeps me alive and faith / believe is what keeps me moving.

You just have to Believe!