The infinite loop of time

Exam week! I must first state that my lack of post was not from the fact im lacking in time, which is indeed so, but stem from the fact that I just don’t find the mood to do it. Its not that I have nothing to blog about, on the contrary, I am rather behind to update on the happenings around me but when I finally found time to sit down and write about it, words seems to have evaporated from my fingers…

Despite the heavy work load and the non-academia related pressures this semester, when it come to the exam week, the time table seems pretty cleared up. My first paper is only 2 weeks away, leaving plenty of time, relatively of course as I have not have such a luxury of time to study of such Actuarial papers before. Then again, this time around, camping in the uni feels so much more different than it used to be. I used to find the motivation, the fire that drives me there every single day, maybe partly due to the difficulty of the context. But after just a few days of camping there, I felt as if I’ve lost my soul or purpose of being there. Maybe I have gotten used to the difficulty of the paper that I no longer care so much about, or the fact that I have not get any news from my job applications implying that how well I know my stuff in uni don’t really matter in the working world one bit.

But more so, I really do believe I’m losing it. Staying alone was harder than it would seem I guess. Don’t get me wrong, I liked the quietness, the freedom and the space to do what I need and have a concentrated mind, but despite all that, I do wish to have a sound, a little crowd, a little fun around that I could get into after a long boring day of revision at uni. I really did lost count of the days at some point living everyday exactly the same with the only significant differentiator everyday is the topic im studying and the dinner I get. It really do felt as though im stuck in a vortex of time going through and infinite loop without even a jump event. Maybe it’s the fact that I really do have nothing to look forward to everyday that makes life so hard going through. Even as I am typing this blog, I am recounting my steps for the past week and how mundane it was. I really wish I could pick something extraordinary in each day to talk about it but it was a much more difficult task that was my subjects. And I am guessing tmr’s going to be the same.

Let’s hope there something awesome that will happen tmr and reignite the flame I’ve lost. I so need a new source of motivation to keep me moving, because what I used to want so much have lost most of its meaning to me now. Is this part of growing up? Or am I just becoming weaker?



I’m in such a mess… Take me away, will ya?