The Last Regret ...

No Regrets by Koda Kumi


The lyrics is just as how i feel.

If I could choose a life, I wouldn’t choose a life without death, nor a life without pain, misery or sadness. I would choose a life, with no regrets.

Because regrets, once you felt it, is the only thing you will ever feel, and it is the only thing that wouldn’t heal.

Let it go, let it be. The dice have been cast, the hands dealt, judgment passed. There is nothing more that would make a difference.

Let this be the last mistake.

The last regret.

To re-live a wanderer's tale...

All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another. ~Anatole France

It’s been awhile, since I last wrote. Or should I put it ‘he’ last wrote? Because he is he and he is gone. Things have changed and so have I. And to do that, I have to let go of my past self. He couldn’t have taken any of this anyway and it is about time, for something better, something colder and something harder, something more serious.

I’ve chose the road less taken. Will it lead me to where I want to go? Will it lead me to a oasis, a paradise on earth the heavenly Avalon? I do not know.

But without regrets I will continue walking, no matter what.

Far have I traveled, beyond what I perceive was the end of the world. I was smaller than I think. The empty cup was more filled than he wanted to be. And against this new abyss, he learned a little more from the countless falls. The little empty cup is once again a little more empty now. But far from reaching the bottom, he knew it.

Facing countless enemies and challenges, he tried to defeat them all but realize he has lost. Badly. But not to anyone greater, stronger or wiser. But to himself. And it is there he realize, all it takes is defeat himself, because he is the only enemy. He is the devil, and everything that stands in his way, the only thing that actually matters. Knowing one’s greatest weakness is to grow stronger already. But that is not enough, not anymore.

Where has the silent wanderer go? Touched by the warmth of loving-ness and faith, his cold heart melted, he grew soft, where he originally was. But to be the killer he once was again, he has to once again, steel his heart, lock his emotions and reignite his burning flame. It is easy now, since cold spikes have shattered within, the warmth is lost replaced only by an emptiness, which must be filled. The wound may never heal, but it is a great opportunity, to bring the killer back again. It was his greatest strength that is his greatest weakness, that hurt him the most, that killed part of him. I wonder if he will ever recover from this, or if this is the best cure for his broken soul.

The warm morning shower

In a cold winter morning, it is actually pretty darn hard to wake up. And the best thing to do would be - to jump into a hot shower!

The feeling is unexplainable by words. At least with my standard of vocab. But it's definitely comfortable. With hot water gushing down from head to toe, the warmth it bring to my cold hands and legs and the heat that circulates my blood, jump-starting me to consciousness. It's like being reborn!

But there's a trick. There always be. For it was told 'If something is too good to be true, It probably is'.

Just like life itself and the many events that manifest in it. It's easy to get in, easier to stay in, but difficult to get out!

Although conscious, under the great comfort of heat and warmth, adding to the threat of stale shivers and unlimited coldness out there. I refuse to go out. There are some point of time that i thought i could stay in the shower forever. But just like any dream, it needs to be awaken. Sooner or later. Staying in the water for too long, my skin will start to blister or even before that, the hot water may very well run out.

So with bravery in my heart, steel my mind and walk out of the hot shower on a cold winter morning. Having faith that,

tomorrow,

There will be another shower. =p

And a better one. xD