The Verdict

“It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.”

Some said that what or who we are now are but the aggregation of our past choices up till now. But when face with decisions; we are psychologically inclined to choose a path that promises better future rather that a path we truly want. You may say that a better future IS what we want but can you really believe it is true? What if some or many of those choices are wrong to begin with?

In this life of mine, I had always chosen a harder path. Not the most difficult, but never the easiest. But just like anyone else, I never doubt my journey until I’ve reached a dead end, and started wondering which turning got me here. It is even more difficult to understand the motivation behind each turn I’ve made. Whether it is an influenced, misinformed, selfish or truly my decision, I couldn’t have told.

Back in high school, I’ve always known I wanted a career into finance or business industry and yet I end up in the science stream. Back in University, I’ve scored well in accounting subjects and known it will promise me easy study life, job and migration but yet I enrolled into economics and finance. In my further studies, I knew very well that actuarial is a difficult and highly technical subject that may not promise such good rewards yet I’ve enrolled again. And here I am with major decisions one after another, ending up well away from where I’ve expected or planned. Is this who I am then?

I am not regretting any of my past choices but I do question it’s motivation and outcome. The reason being me, facing another major decision now and I would definitely not want to end up in the same spot again. Now, having the ability to choose, knowing what I want to choose but yet knowing also it is a foolish choice. Being rational and logical as I always was, I knew I have to choose to leave, because that is the choice that will benefit me and people around me the most, although, it is not a choice I really want to make. Again, is this choice a reflection of who I am? Does it show that I am weak and undetermined, giving up so easily.

Time is running out. The coin tossed in the air will inevitably fall as the forces of gravity pulls it’s invisible strings. And then, the verdict begins.

=p