Numb...

Who really knows the person behind the fake smiles of a clown?

I sometimes wonder if there is some real greatness born into me? Cause everyone seems have such high expectations of me that I myself doubt I have in me.

Just the other day, my dad was lecturing on what great things he expects me to achieve starting with his own. He was a great salesman, an extraordinary one in his time. In his heights, he did so well that it jeopardized his sales team with he own sales volume that his boss had to fired him, much similar to the fate of mortgage legend of Lewis Ranieri with his days in Salomon Brothers, though much smaller in scale. What he expects of me, however, is twice as good as his heights. Ouch…!

Even friends thinking highly of me, and expects me to be something/one great in the future. Don’t get me wrong, I am deeply honored but it also places a social pressure on me. Although I personally don’t give a damn about what other people thinks, I do treasure my friends greatly and hold their view with much importance. Sometimes, I try not to care but I do. As such, I try not to screw up as much as I could.

Yes, I am a great dreamer but I am not greedy. I do too want to achieve great things much to people expectations. But I don’t like the pressure forcefully bestowed upon me. I like to walk my own path, and chase my dreams, achieve them … in my own way. With much hopes from others, I tend to take less risk I normally would and can in my own manner. Yes, maybe by risking it all, I will fail badly in life, but it would not matter then if you didn’t expect anything of me, no? I just don’t want to walk a path because everyone thinks I should, yet under the illuminating light of my close ones, it seems like it’s the only right path to go.

I wanna chase my dreams, but not with the price of fun or youth. I wanna do it, my way. So can you please let me go?

Now, this song describes me more accurately than any other. I really do feel…Numb.