Choice

In our lives, we never stop making choices.

Then, we never stop wondering why we ever made it.

Have you ever look into the eyes of your parents and wonder if we will one day end up like them? Maybe better or maybe worse? I do.

Once again the crossroad of destiny presents itself to us. And here we are, standing, choosing a path we hope not to ever regret. And this is what 2010 brings to me and those around me. Graduation marks the end of a phase in our life. It is the turning point, the sail that will may make all the difference in our future. It been a great journey so far. We all survived, through countless battles (exams?) and adventures, by hook or by crook. We made it this far and it is time for the parting. We all have different choices, different road to take from here on, some made ages ago, some just upon decided, some still contemplating.

There were many choice for me. To be back in Malaysia, or be in Australia. To work or to study more? What to study?

All these questions clouded my mind for a long time. They are heavy and detrimental decisions that will change my future yet it is inevitable. Truth to be told, i would have a much easier life staying back in Malaysia, knowing that most of my friends are here, and that i am so familiar with this place i grew up in. And with contacts, i would be able to easily land myself in a a pretty good starting job with many prospects of business in the future. Yet, in this crossroad, i took the road less traveled. I choose to leave, for a place i am not that familiar with, a place with weather and culture unlike that i've been taught, Australia. This choice i made, maybe a foolish one. Even now, i'm still trying to understand why. It may be true my parents played their part in convincing me to migrate there, but their influence are of little impact on my decision. True, true, this piece of land for down there poses more opportunity for me in terms of career and financial gains, but in a land i am so unfamiliar with, who can say that for sure? The term a bird in hand worth 2 in the bush often comes into my mind. Won't i be better off staying here in Malaysia creating a business with my vast contacts and great understanding of how things work here? I never will know. But i' sure of myself, that Australia will be my new home. It is as if a magnetic field had got hold of me, my heart is stuck upon that kangaroo island. So much so that i must endure the heart breaking pain and fact that i'm leaving all my best friends behind. And knowing not one of them is here with me, adds spike to the shattered heart.

Having a hardened heart to stay in Australia, i've no choice but to extend the student phase of my life a little longer. But again, another crossroad lie upon me. What should i study? I thought this over many times. Too many times that i got bored of it someway in between. My top picks were honors, Masters in finance or masters in actuarial studies. They all weight just as much in my heart, they are all of interest to me. And truth to be told, my parents made the deciding call on this 1. I can say if the choice were mine, the choice MIGHT not be the same. Yet again, i traveled along this road less traveled by. I wonder why. I guess its the name Actuarial that attracts the likes of my parents, or even those of their generations. To me, its just another fancy term. The fact that they liked me studying it that much and (more importantly) they are paying my tuition fees, i couldn't go against their will. Yet, once again, i ponder if i made the right decision of choosing this course. First, Actuarial is basically another field that of my degree which i majored in. So i'm actually entering into another field, like science or arts, just not as drastic. I do wonder if it will interest me as much as finance do, Furthermore, diversifying into another major means forgoing depth and mastery into finance, which i love to have. I heard rumors too, bad ones especially. Of the plenty people, professionals or not, old or young, almost all of them agreed that this is a killer course. Like an abyss of no return, entry is simply, but exit is impossible. What the hell have i sign up for? Many of my friends would argue that I'm exaggerating, and that someone of 'my' caliber will not face trouble. But in the bottom of my heart, i do fear this uncertainty and this new challenge is poses. There are people beyond people and mountains above mountains. Things can be harder than expected from here on.

I really do wonder if i made the right choices. Who ever will know? Who is there to judge? We will never know the outcome of the road not taken.

As for now, the dice has been cast, the road have been taken, and we will never know what or where the other path will lead to. All i can do is to stick with what i have chosen and believe in it. Hope is what keeps me alive and faith / believe is what keeps me moving.

You just have to Believe!